In public areas today, on crowded public transport, even at dinner parties, an increasingly familiar scene is seen: heads bent over illuminated screens, eyes inward from the world outside, face-to-face human dialogue replaced by electronic communication. This quiet social revolution has had a far-reaching impact on the way we relate to others and to the world outside. While eye contact was the very basis of human communication in the past, today, it seems to have been almost an exception, an obsolete ability in our relational landscape.
Technical progress has certainly enriched our lives in countless ways, but it has also generated a paradox of communication: we are constantly connected with faraway people but increasingly disconnected from those who are by our side. Smartphones have created what psychologists refer to as “absent presence” – we are physically present in a place, but our brain is elsewhere. This occurs daily in families at the dinner table, in couples eating out at restaurants, or between friends who, despite sharing the same dining table, give more attention to their phones than to conversation.
The silent revolution of cyber communication
The implications of this shift run much deeper than mere social etiquette. Current research in the field of neuroscience has discovered that eye contact activates certain parts of the brain involved in empathy and understanding feelings. When we lock eyes with a person, our brain releases oxytocin, the trust and social bonding hormone. The gradual erosion of such moments of visual connection can, therefore, have deep effects on the formation of our emotional intelligence and on the quality of our relations with others. Psychologist Sherry Turkle, an MIT scientist and author of “Alone Together“, has spent decades studying this phenomenon. ‘We’ve invented machines that provide us with the illusion of companionship without the responsibility of friendship,’ says Turkle. Her work indicates the ways technology-mediated communication allows us to control the level of intimacy in interaction, bypassing the embarrassment that may often come with direct contact. The ability to constantly “edit” our social presentation has made face-to-face interaction increasingly harder for many people, particularly younger generations.
Statistics confirm this trend: according to a study conducted by Stanford University, the duration of typical eye contact during communication has decreased by 37% in the last decade. Particularly alarming is the situation among teenagers, where the percentage amounts to 52%. Meanwhile, screen time increased disproportionately, with the average exceeding four hours per day spent using smartphones – time largely taken away from face-to-face socialisation.
Smartphone has become an island
The teachers describe in classes and presentations how hard it is for the students to maintain eye contact. Not only is this kind of behaviour detrimental to learning, but it also harms the development of valuable communication skills for the professional life of youngsters. As Professor Marco Rossi, lecturer of Communication Psychology at the University of Bologna, points out: “The power of maintaining a person’s stare is fundamental during job interviews, negotiations, and any other professional situation that requires persuasion and leadership”. This is not merely a generational shift. Even among adults, a progressively decreasing interpersonal orientation is observed. Business meetings where all others are checking their emails incessantly, dinner with the family interrupted by beeps, and conversations interrupted by the practice of phone checking have become the rule rather than the exception.
This behaviour, which was once thought to be rude, has gradually become normalised, so much so that it is now openly accepted in most social settings. Its impact is felt most strongly in large cities, where the unpredictability and hurriedness of daily life amplify the effect. In public transport systems, parks, and even supermarket queues, the smartphone has become an island, an oasis of safety against unplanned meetings with strangers. This shift towards virtual isolation in public spaces has reduced quite dramatically the informal interactions hitherto that comprised the fabric of the city.
Moving toward a new relational consciousness
All is not gloomy, however. Contrary to the phenomenon as described, projects are afoot to recapture the domain of eye contact and authentic presence. Some cafes are offering discounts to customers who can commit to leaving their phones on the door. Schools and colleges are offering digital literacy programs that include reflection upon the conscious use of technology. ‘Digital detox’ programs are becoming increasingly popular among frazzled professionals and anxious parents. Maria Contini, family relationships specialist psychotherapist, recommends introducing small changes: “Setting device-free zones and times of the day is a good starting point. The table during meals, the bedroom, and times devoted to playing with children should be holy”.
For Contini, it is imperative that these changes are initiated among adults, who through their example can influence young people in a positive way. Most compelling are relational mindfulness experiences, practices that urge us to relearn the richness of true contact with other human beings. Looking at someone for a few minutes without uttering a single word seems to be a simple exercise, but it is a big challenge for many people. Yet, as soon as one gets over the initial embarrassment, one gets into a dimension of profound connection which cannot be reached through digital interaction.
More authentical relationships
Technology itself, though, is beginning to strike back. New “digital wellbeing” features have been included in the latest operating systems, allowing users to monitor and limit the time on their devices. There are apps that are aimed at facilitating disconnection, which rewards users for periods of time not spent on their smartphones. The future challenge will not be how to keep technology out of our lives, an unbound and perhaps even an undesirable utopia, but how to integrate it more conscientiously with space for relational authenticity and the recapture of irreplaceable value in direct eye contact. Such is a revolutionary transformation as any, and the first step is awareness. Seeing that we increasingly no longer look one another in the eye could be the initial step towards more, more authentic relationships on the internet.
